Yoruba Demon,a story by tobilionnaire
Chapter 1
Ding! Ding!! Ding!! The alarm rang out loud for
the umpteenth time, I tossed and turned again, I
had set it so I could wake early, after downing
several green bottles the night before, I knew I
was going to be ridden with a hangover.
It's the ritual on Friday nights, going out with the
boys, I'm an alcoholic and so are my friends,
Abbey and Ray. Sometime we could be more,
each of us bringing other acquaintance or mutual
friends, but it's mostly the three of us hanging
out together.
We had gone to Shibbies bar to have fun as
usual, we planned to later visit O degree lounge
at surulere, but something happened and we
reach an unanimous decision to settle for
Shibbies and drink the night away.
My thoughts ran wild through the past night and
my head felt too heavy for my neck.
" Bleep" I cursed under my breath and quickly
covered my nose from the stench emanating
from my mouth as I yawned.
That propelled me to roll down from the bed and
put off the alarm that was now disturbing my
peace and further fueling the mild migraine I was
feeling.
I strolled into the bathroom, and spread a large
quantity of toothpaste on my brush , I started
brushing my teeth hard like a dirty rug that
hasn't been washed in years.
While doing that the event of last night came
rushing back again and I try to remember why I
had set the alarm in the first place.
Abbey, Ray and I were on our fifth bottles of
Heineken when Ray stood up and said he wanted
to take a leak.
" you wan use style go talk that babe that has
been eyeing me shey" Abbey joked and a naughty
grin enveloped his oblong shaped face.
I chuckled and looked in the direction of the
damsels, I've noticed them since we stepped into
the bar but my seat was inversely opposite their
table so I couldn't see much of the things they
were up to.
There was a cake on their table and it was
obvious one of them was celebrating her
birthday. Ray shrugged at Abbeys joke and
headed towards the toilet located at the far end
of the building, as if on purpose to spite Abbey,
he changed his strides and walked to the table
of the ladies.
I smiled and anticipate his next move, Ray has
always been a smooth talker and I know for sure
our table will be merged with the girls own
sooner rather than later. He has done this all too
many times.
I snapped out of my reverie as the bristles of the
brush punctured my gum, I cried inaudibly,
rushed to the front of mirror and opened my
mouth to check how much damaged I've done.
I figured I have drawn blood, and walked back to
the sink to rinse my mouth, I don't care whether
my mouth reeks and stink of alcohol residue
anymore, I was pissed.
My phone rang, and I sluggishly walk back into
the room, I wasn't in the mood to talk to
anybody now, besides who call people as early
as 6:30 in the morning, if it wasn't for the alarm
I would still be sleeping for sure.
The call had disconnected before I got to the
bed to pick it, but I cared less, I rubbed my
palms together and wiped my mouth
subconsciously in case there was a toothpaste
stain.
I was about to stand up and go get water from
the fridge when my phone begin to ring again, I
picked up the Samsung S6 and saw it was Ray
calling, i slid the answer button and was about to
tell him to call me back, but before I could even
utter a word he had already started talking about
the previous night.
I gave up and listened with little attention as he
kept blabbing and yabbing me on how I had been
drunk at Shibbies, relaying things I did and said,
the ones I remembered and the ones I couldn't
even fathom why I would say or do.
" Idiot, na so you dey do, weak ass niqqa, you
wey no sabi as you reach your house sef " I had
heard Abbey yelled in the background.
I cursed him back and we all began laughing
together. I concede to them about bleeping up
and hid under my popular phrase that I drink for
the purpose of getting high and drunk, and we all
laughed again.
" So did you call me to remind me I had too
much to drink last night or what? " I questioned
Ray squeezing my face as if it would show
through the call that I was serious then.
" Well it's one of the reasons and on my bad
days you would do worse Bayo " he replied, a
faint chuckle escaping the phone earpiece. I
sighed and asked him to tell me the main reason
he's calling because I feel like drinking cold
water and going back to bed.
He yabbed me some more, with Abbey taking
swipes at me as I could hear him faintly in the
background still, I had put the phone on loud
speaker and was gulping down a chilled bottled
water I had gotten from the fridge.
When he'd had enough of me, he told me with a
serious tone he would be in my house in 2 hours
time and I better be ready. Immediately he said
that I remembered why I had set the alarm.
" Damn! shayo na bastard oo, did you know I've
totally forgotten about the party until you called
now, I would have been in bed till now if I didn't
set the alarm" I told Ray while scratching my
head.
" Well, better get your acts together, we need to
be on the road in the next two hours and
remember the girls from Shibbies last night? " He
asked
" Yes, I do and don't start saying things I did and
didn't do yesterday night again, what about
them? " I said, rolling my eyes and hoping he's
not trying to start throwing bants on my drunken
episode again.
" Well I got Lucy's number, the celebrant gan
gan- " he managed to say before I interrupted
him.
" Yeah I know and stop relaying things to me like
I have amnesia, I was only high, what about her?
" I asked impatiently this time, thinking of how I
would get myself ready before they get to my
house.
" Well she's coming with us too and I have to
pick her up on our way, so you need to start
prepping, I've had my bath and Abbey is almost
done, Ibadan is not a stone throw from Lagos
you know? coupled with the bad roads... " he
explained.
I told him its okay and he ended the call. " i
wonder how this guy do these things? " I
thought.
I was amazed at how Ray was able to convince
Lucy to travel to a party with him after meeting
in less than 24 hours.
I sighed, stripped to my boxers short, and walked
into the bathroom, If Ray gets here and I am not
ready they will have my head for breakfast, I grin
as I thought about my crazy friends, especially
the troublesome Abbey.
I felt great relief after taking my bath, and my
head was sitting pretty well on my neck now, no
signs of migraine or whatever again, I believed
the cold water helped.
I rubbed my curly punks with Gel, and sat behind
the dressing mirror, " When will these beards
start sprouting for real " I asked mself, twirling
the little hair that has grown under my chin.
After all the oil I had bought, I still haven't seen
much changes, and a Yoruba Demon without
beards is like a Dubai without Burj Khalifa.
" Mtcheeew, all these beard products are scams
" I muttered in frustration and began dressing up.
Couple of minutes later I was clad in my white
well tailored and ironed attire, a black simple
cufflinks did justice to the beautiful piece." Lord
bless you " I showered my tailor with a prayer.
I picked the Agbada gown in its folded shape and
walked to the sitting room waiting for the boys,
they will be glad they didn't have to wait on me
when they get here.
While I was watching soccer highlights, my
phone rang again and I realized I haven't seen it
since I spoke to Ray, I traced the sound to the
kitchen and found it on the fridge, vibrating and
almost falling to the floor.
" Hey babe, wassup? " I said into the mouthpiece
as soon as I picked it up. It was Nike calling me.
We talked for some minutes and I hung up,
leaving her disappointed on the other end, she
had been trying to come over and spend the
weekend two times consecutively and I've been
simply unavailable.
" I don't know where this relationship is headed
anymore, you hardly have time for me anymore "
she had whined, frustration lacing her tone over
the phone.
Nike is Western Union agent and we had met one
time I had gone to pick up some funds at her
branch, I had tipped her handsomely after
concluding the transaction and the rest is
history.
Only few months since we started this affair and
she has already begin plans to secure a ticket to
matrimony with me. Well being who I am, I won't
promise you anything, neither would I stop you
from being delusional.
It's all in her head, the perfect wedding,
honeymoon in Dubai or Paris afterwards, me and
her settling down, having kids and start living all
that boring lifestyle for the rest of sixty
something years I intend to still use on earth.
At twenty-six I can't simply get hitched, that's a
taboo, waking up to the same face everyday,
never!
It's scary just thinking about it alone, talk more
of finding myself in such a situation.
" she can keep dreaming, if she gets too clingy
I'll just bail as usual " I thought and a smirk
dance on my lips.
The familiar horn of Raymond's Honda Ridgeline
truck sounded and I walked to the balcony just
to be sure it was him, I couldn't be wrong as I
saw him stepping out from the sparkling black
machine.
Our eyes met as he looked up and he winked,
flashing me his signature smile.
" Looking sharp dude, my finest padi of life " he
teased, I gave him a thumbs up and told him to
just wait up for me while I join them downstairs
to avoid further wasting time coming in.
I went back in, put off all the gadgets and switch
off the power from the main source on the wall,
picked up my Leopard themed Zara sunglass and
exited the apartment.
Abbey was on the phone when I got downstairs
and his face has a frown emblazoned on it, I
mouthed an inaudible greeting to him and shook
hands with Ray.
" Guys let's roll, dad is mad at me that I'm not
at the venue yet, when I should have been
around since yesterday sef " Abbey complained,
while adjusting his cap and dropping his phone.
" Dude calm down, only you knew the reason
why we didn't make this trip yesterday, we could
have Lodged in a hotel " I stated, stopping to
wipe my sweaty face with an handkerchief
before continuing
" as a matter of fact I think I know why you
didn't let us move yesterday, you can't escape
the sermon today anyways " I said amidst a loud
and mocking laughter from Ray.
He mumbled some incoherent words and hopped
back into the car front sit, Ray and I laughed at
him in unison before joining him.
Ray brought the engine to life and slowly backed
out of my compound, rolling the car onto the
beautifully tarred road, i let out a sigh of relief as
the car air conditioner blessed my sweaty face,
the sun was too hot for a early morning.
Ding! Ding!! Ding!! The alarm rang out loud for
the umpteenth time, I tossed and turned again, I
had set it so I could wake early, after downing
several green bottles the night before, I knew I
was going to be ridden with a hangover.
It's the ritual on Friday nights, going out with the
boys, I'm an alcoholic and so are my friends,
Abbey and Ray. Sometime we could be more,
each of us bringing other acquaintance or mutual
friends, but it's mostly the three of us hanging
out together.
We had gone to Shibbies bar to have fun as
usual, we planned to later visit O degree lounge
at surulere, but something happened and we
reach an unanimous decision to settle for
Shibbies and drink the night away.
My thoughts ran wild through the past night and
my head felt too heavy for my neck.
" Bleep" I cursed under my breath and quickly
covered my nose from the stench emanating
from my mouth as I yawned.
That propelled me to roll down from the bed and
put off the alarm that was now disturbing my
peace and further fueling the mild migraine I was
feeling.
I strolled into the bathroom, and spread a large
quantity of toothpaste on my brush , I started
brushing my teeth hard like a dirty rug that
hasn't been washed in years.
While doing that the event of last night came
rushing back again and I try to remember why I
had set the alarm in the first place.
Abbey, Ray and I were on our fifth bottles of
Heineken when Ray stood up and said he wanted
to take a leak.
" you wan use style go talk that babe that has
been eyeing me shey" Abbey joked and a naughty
grin enveloped his oblong shaped face.
I chuckled and looked in the direction of the
damsels, I've noticed them since we stepped into
the bar but my seat was inversely opposite their
table so I couldn't see much of the things they
were up to.
There was a cake on their table and it was
obvious one of them was celebrating her
birthday. Ray shrugged at Abbeys joke and
headed towards the toilet located at the far end
of the building, as if on purpose to spite Abbey,
he changed his strides and walked to the table
of the ladies.
I smiled and anticipate his next move, Ray has
always been a smooth talker and I know for sure
our table will be merged with the girls own
sooner rather than later. He has done this all too
many times.
I snapped out of my reverie as the bristles of the
brush punctured my gum, I cried inaudibly,
rushed to the front of mirror and opened my
mouth to check how much damaged I've done.
I figured I have drawn blood, and walked back to
the sink to rinse my mouth, I don't care whether
my mouth reeks and stink of alcohol residue
anymore, I was pissed.
My phone rang, and I sluggishly walk back into
the room, I wasn't in the mood to talk to
anybody now, besides who call people as early
as 6:30 in the morning, if it wasn't for the alarm
I would still be sleeping for sure.
The call had disconnected before I got to the
bed to pick it, but I cared less, I rubbed my
palms together and wiped my mouth
subconsciously in case there was a toothpaste
stain.
I was about to stand up and go get water from
the fridge when my phone begin to ring again, I
picked up the Samsung S6 and saw it was Ray
calling, i slid the answer button and was about to
tell him to call me back, but before I could even
utter a word he had already started talking about
the previous night.
I gave up and listened with little attention as he
kept blabbing and yabbing me on how I had been
drunk at Shibbies, relaying things I did and said,
the ones I remembered and the ones I couldn't
even fathom why I would say or do.
" Idiot, na so you dey do, weak ass niqqa, you
wey no sabi as you reach your house sef " I had
heard Abbey yelled in the background.
I cursed him back and we all began laughing
together. I concede to them about bleeping up
and hid under my popular phrase that I drink for
the purpose of getting high and drunk, and we all
laughed again.
" So did you call me to remind me I had too
much to drink last night or what? " I questioned
Ray squeezing my face as if it would show
through the call that I was serious then.
" Well it's one of the reasons and on my bad
days you would do worse Bayo " he replied, a
faint chuckle escaping the phone earpiece. I
sighed and asked him to tell me the main reason
he's calling because I feel like drinking cold
water and going back to bed.
He yabbed me some more, with Abbey taking
swipes at me as I could hear him faintly in the
background still, I had put the phone on loud
speaker and was gulping down a chilled bottled
water I had gotten from the fridge.
When he'd had enough of me, he told me with a
serious tone he would be in my house in 2 hours
time and I better be ready. Immediately he said
that I remembered why I had set the alarm.
" Damn! shayo na bastard oo, did you know I've
totally forgotten about the party until you called
now, I would have been in bed till now if I didn't
set the alarm" I told Ray while scratching my
head.
" Well, better get your acts together, we need to
be on the road in the next two hours and
remember the girls from Shibbies last night? " He
asked
" Yes, I do and don't start saying things I did and
didn't do yesterday night again, what about
them? " I said, rolling my eyes and hoping he's
not trying to start throwing bants on my drunken
episode again.
" Well I got Lucy's number, the celebrant gan
gan- " he managed to say before I interrupted
him.
" Yeah I know and stop relaying things to me like
I have amnesia, I was only high, what about her?
" I asked impatiently this time, thinking of how I
would get myself ready before they get to my
house.
" Well she's coming with us too and I have to
pick her up on our way, so you need to start
prepping, I've had my bath and Abbey is almost
done, Ibadan is not a stone throw from Lagos
you know? coupled with the bad roads... " he
explained.
I told him its okay and he ended the call. " i
wonder how this guy do these things? " I
thought.
I was amazed at how Ray was able to convince
Lucy to travel to a party with him after meeting
in less than 24 hours.
I sighed, stripped to my boxers short, and walked
into the bathroom, If Ray gets here and I am not
ready they will have my head for breakfast, I grin
as I thought about my crazy friends, especially
the troublesome Abbey.
I felt great relief after taking my bath, and my
head was sitting pretty well on my neck now, no
signs of migraine or whatever again, I believed
the cold water helped.
I rubbed my curly punks with Gel, and sat behind
the dressing mirror, " When will these beards
start sprouting for real " I asked mself, twirling
the little hair that has grown under my chin.
After all the oil I had bought, I still haven't seen
much changes, and a Yoruba Demon without
beards is like a Dubai without Burj Khalifa.
" Mtcheeew, all these beard products are scams
" I muttered in frustration and began dressing up.
Couple of minutes later I was clad in my white
well tailored and ironed attire, a black simple
cufflinks did justice to the beautiful piece." Lord
bless you " I showered my tailor with a prayer.
I picked the Agbada gown in its folded shape and
walked to the sitting room waiting for the boys,
they will be glad they didn't have to wait on me
when they get here.
While I was watching soccer highlights, my
phone rang again and I realized I haven't seen it
since I spoke to Ray, I traced the sound to the
kitchen and found it on the fridge, vibrating and
almost falling to the floor.
" Hey babe, wassup? " I said into the mouthpiece
as soon as I picked it up. It was Nike calling me.
We talked for some minutes and I hung up,
leaving her disappointed on the other end, she
had been trying to come over and spend the
weekend two times consecutively and I've been
simply unavailable.
" I don't know where this relationship is headed
anymore, you hardly have time for me anymore "
she had whined, frustration lacing her tone over
the phone.
Nike is Western Union agent and we had met one
time I had gone to pick up some funds at her
branch, I had tipped her handsomely after
concluding the transaction and the rest is
history.
Only few months since we started this affair and
she has already begin plans to secure a ticket to
matrimony with me. Well being who I am, I won't
promise you anything, neither would I stop you
from being delusional.
It's all in her head, the perfect wedding,
honeymoon in Dubai or Paris afterwards, me and
her settling down, having kids and start living all
that boring lifestyle for the rest of sixty
something years I intend to still use on earth.
At twenty-six I can't simply get hitched, that's a
taboo, waking up to the same face everyday,
never!
It's scary just thinking about it alone, talk more
of finding myself in such a situation.
" she can keep dreaming, if she gets too clingy
I'll just bail as usual " I thought and a smirk
dance on my lips.
The familiar horn of Raymond's Honda Ridgeline
truck sounded and I walked to the balcony just
to be sure it was him, I couldn't be wrong as I
saw him stepping out from the sparkling black
machine.
Our eyes met as he looked up and he winked,
flashing me his signature smile.
" Looking sharp dude, my finest padi of life " he
teased, I gave him a thumbs up and told him to
just wait up for me while I join them downstairs
to avoid further wasting time coming in.
I went back in, put off all the gadgets and switch
off the power from the main source on the wall,
picked up my Leopard themed Zara sunglass and
exited the apartment.
Abbey was on the phone when I got downstairs
and his face has a frown emblazoned on it, I
mouthed an inaudible greeting to him and shook
hands with Ray.
" Guys let's roll, dad is mad at me that I'm not
at the venue yet, when I should have been
around since yesterday sef " Abbey complained,
while adjusting his cap and dropping his phone.
" Dude calm down, only you knew the reason
why we didn't make this trip yesterday, we could
have Lodged in a hotel " I stated, stopping to
wipe my sweaty face with an handkerchief
before continuing
" as a matter of fact I think I know why you
didn't let us move yesterday, you can't escape
the sermon today anyways " I said amidst a loud
and mocking laughter from Ray.
He mumbled some incoherent words and hopped
back into the car front sit, Ray and I laughed at
him in unison before joining him.
Ray brought the engine to life and slowly backed
out of my compound, rolling the car onto the
beautifully tarred road, i let out a sigh of relief as
the car air conditioner blessed my sweaty face,
the sun was too hot for a early morning.
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